"‘I saw my wife putting French’s mustard on a bologna sandwich for our 5-year-old son, and I just lost control,’ Gibson said. ‘I said things—awful things that I’m not proud of—and the two of them were clearly shaken. I can never take those words back. When I looked in the mirror and barely recognized that livid face staring back at me, I finally understood that these mustard people weren’t really my friends.’"

Man On Internet Almost Falls Into World Of DIY Mustard Enthusiasts | The Onion